Vitsejä sekä hauskoja juttuja

Ei aavistustakaan mutta minusta tuo nainen joka otti s*** puhui pohojanmaan murteella? Onhan se mukava kun tuollaisia tulee mailiin töissä saapahan ainakin nauraa....


z

 

Videossahan hääräävät Helpus-nimisen yhtyeen jäsenet. No, onhan tuokin keino saada julkisuutta.

 

Tämä ei ole vitsi, vaan tositapahtuma. Jäi vaan itseäni kovasti naurattamaan.

Viime lauantaina olin pikkuveljeni kanssa Talman laskettelukeskuksessa katsomassa Big Air-lumilautakisoja. Paluumatkalla takaisin sitten iski nälkä, ja päätimme noutaa asuntoni läheisestä pizzeriasta evästä. Fiksuna poikanahan sitten keksin, että turhaa sitä siellä pizzeriassa odottelee, kun ne voisi tilata etukäteen.

Pizzerian numeroa ei tietenkään ollut tallessa, mutta muistin viimeeksi soittaneeni kyseiseen paikkaan, kun jouduin näppäilemään numeron. Siispä soitetut puhelut ja sieltä ensimmäinen numerosarja.

Soittaa.
"mmm-mm-mmmm-mm"
Jaha, pakko olla pizzeriassa kun ei sepostuksesta saa mitään selvää, ajattelin
-"Markus tässä moi"
"moi"
-"haluaisin tilata 2 pizzaa"
"MITÄÄ?"

Tässä kohtaa tajusin mitä olin tehnyt, ja panikoin iskemällä punaista luuria. Muistin, että olin toki soittanut ko. paikkaan viimeeksi, kun numeron näppäilin; sen sijaan olin yrittänyt soittaa Mikromajaan sen jälkeen. Kyseessä on siis tietokoneosia toisinaan verrattain edukkaasti myyvä liike.
Mahtoi myyjä vähän aikaa ihmetellä, mistä oli kyse

 

Taidan arvata mistä videosta oli kyse. Tuosta linkistä sitä ei kylläkään ymmärrettävistä syistä enää saa.

En tiedä mistä olet väärät tietosi saanut, mutta videolla ei esiinny yhtäkään Helpuksen jäsentä. Heidän tuttujaan ja kavereitaan kylläkin.

 

Et sentään soittanut kenkäkauppan ja sanonut, että väärä numero. Johon myyjä vastaa, eise mittään haittaa, tuakaane tännevaan kylmene vaihretaan. Reinikaismaista hekotusta, ei maar...

 

Itsekin kuulin vähän aikaa sitten, ettei kyseisessä videossa kukaan heistä esiinny. Kaikkialla vain näytti olevan informaatiota silloin siihen suuntaan.

 

Nuo Ringin postaamat vuoden 2002-tapaukset ovat kaikki keksittyjä, tuossa vuoden 2003 aidot voittajat:

#5: Cole Bartiromo, 18, of Mission Viejo, Calif.
After making over $1 million in the stock market, the feds made Bartiromo pay it all back: he gained his profits, they said, using fraud. Bartiromo played baseball at school, but after his fraud case broke he was no longer allowed to participate in extracurricular sports. Bartiromo clearly learned a lot while sitting in federal court: he wrote and filed his own lawsuit against his high school, reasoning that he had planned on a pro baseball career but, because he was kicked off the school's team, pro scouts wouldn't be able to discover him. His suit demands the school reimburse him for the great salary he would have made in the majors, which he figures is $50 million.

#4: Priest David Hanser, 70.
Hanser was one of the first Catholic priests to be caught up in the sex abuse scandal. In 1990, he settled a suit filed by one of his victims for $65,000. In the settlement, Hanser agreed not to work with children anymore, but the victim learned that Hanser was ignoring that part of the agreement. The victim appealed to the church, asking it to stop Hanser from working near children, but the church would not intervene. "It's up to the church to decide where he works," argued the priest's lawyer. When the outraged victim went to the press to warn the public that a pedo priest was near children, Hanser sued him for the same $65,000 because he violated his own part of the deal -- to keep the settlement secret. The message is clear: shut up about outrageous abuse, or we'll sue you for catching us.

#3: Wanda Hudson, 44, of Mobile, Ala.
After Hudson lost her home to foreclosure, she moved her belongings to a storage unit. She says she was inside her unit one night "looking for some papers" when the storage yard manager found the door to her unit ajar -- and locked it. She denies that she was sleeping inside, but incredibly did not call for help or bang on the door to be let out! She was not found for 63 days and barely survived; the formerly "plump" 150-pound woman lived on food she just happened to have in the unit, and was a mere 83 pounds when she was found. She sued the storage yard for $10 million claiming negligence. Even though the jury was not allowed to learn that Hudson had previously diagnosed mental problems, it found Hudson was nearly 100 percent responsible for her own predicament -- but still awarded her $100,000.

#2: Doug Baker, 45, of Portland, Ore.
Baker says God "steered" him to a stray dog. He admits "People thought I was crazy" to spend $4,000 in vet bills to bring the injured mutt back to health, but hey, it was God's dog! But $4,000 was nothing: he couldn't even take his girlfriend out to dinner without getting a dog-sitter to watch him. When the skittish dog escaped the sitter, Baker didn't just put an ad in the paper, he bought display ads so he could include a photo. His business collapsed since he devoted full time to the search for the dog. He didn't propose to his girlfriend because he wanted the dog to deliver the ring to her. He hired four "animal psychics" to give him clues to the animal's whereabouts, and hired a witch to cast spells. He even spread his own urine around to "mark his territory" to try to lure the dog home! And, he said, he cried every day. Two months in to the search, he went looking for the dog where it got lost -- and quickly found it. His first task: he put a collar on the mutt. (He hadn't done that before for a dog that was so "valuable"?!) After finding the dog, he sued the dog sitter, demanding $20,000 for the cost of his search, $30,000 for the income he lost by letting his business collapse, $10,000 for "the temporary loss of the special value" of the dog, and $100,000 in "emotional damages" -- $160,000 total. God has not been named as a defendant.

#1: The City of Madera, Calif.
Madera police officer Marcy Noriega had the suspect from a minor disturbance handcuffed in the back of her patrol car. When the suspect started to kick at the car's windows, Officer Noriega decided to subdue him with her Taser. Incredibly, instead of pulling her stun gun from her belt, she pulled her service sidearm and shot the man in the chest, killing him instantly. The city, however, says the killing is not the officer's fault; it argues that "any reasonable police officer" could "mistakenly draw and fire a handgun instead of the Taser device" and has filed suit against Taser, arguing the company should pay for any award from the wrongful death lawsuit the man's family has filed. What a slur against every professionally trained police officer who knows the difference between a real gun and a stun gun! And what a cowardly attempt to escape responsibility for the actions of its own under-trained officer.

 

Hyvä kun oikaisit. Sain tuon jutun eilen kaverilta sähköpostitse, ja kun se oli niin hauska, niin päätin laittaa jakoon. Jenkkien oikeuslaitos on kyllä menneinä vuosina tehnyt niin järjettömiä päätöksiä, että nuo tapaukset olisi voinut olla ihan hyvin tottakin.

Edit: Poistin tuon virheellistä tietoa sisältäneen jutun.

 

http://mirrored.flabber.nl/boob.cursor/ciagnijcycka.swf

varokaa ettei ole pomo, vaimo, avovaimo, tyttöystävä, partneri (tjsp) takana kun kokeilet tuota :thumbsup:

 

Sähköpostin tuomaa:

 

WANHA!

Mitä saatananpalvojamuusikko sanoi tultuaan studiosta?
-Demoni on valmis!

Miksi gootti laittaa sinappia kahviin?
- Se on PAHAA!

 

Sähköpostin tuomaa...

 

How To Kill A Retard?

1. Give Retard Knife.
2. Ask Retard "who's special?"
3. Dead Retard

 

Pieni tummaihoinen poika sanoo isälleen saunassa:
"Voinko isä pitää kiinni mulkustasi?"
Isä vastaa:
"No tämän kerran, mutta älä mene kovin kauas!"

 

Tunnustuksien luolasta lainattua:

"Kaikki luulevat että minä harrastan saatananpalvontaa, koska minulla on:

- musta matto
- musta päiväpeitto
- musta katon peittävä kangas
- musta työpöytä
- mustat verhot seinillä
- musta sohva
- musta tuoli

Mutta en harrasta saatanan palvontaa, ainoastaan vain kotiteatteria."

Plazalainenko?